Madonna recently opened up about one of the darkest phases in her life when she contemplated suicide. In a recent interaction on an episode of On Purpose with Jay Shetty, the singer-songwriter admitted that she thought of ending her life while she was fighting her ex-husband, filmmaker Guy Ritchie, for the custody of their son Rocco.
Madonna and Ritchie were caught in a custody battle in 2016 when, reportedly, Rocco left her to live with his father in London. At the time, the singer was also on her Rebel Heart Tour, which made the situation even more difficult for her to cope with. Talking about the tough phase, she revealed, “There were moments in my life I wanted to cut my arms off… I actually contemplated suicide.”
While Madonna didn’t initially mention the custody battle, when asked what pushed her to think of suicide, she admitted, “I would say probably one of the most painful moments in my life where I honestly couldn’t see the forest for the trees was when I went through a custody battle [over] my son.”
She further explained, “Even though my marriage didn’t work out — I mean, a lot of people’s marriages don’t work out. They marry the wrong people. They’re not aligned. They’re not meant for each other. [But] someone trying to take my child away from me was like, they might as well just kill me. That’s really how I was thinking.”
The singer also confessed that it was extremely difficult for her to continue with her professional commitments and perform on tour while facing such a personal crisis. “I would often be lying on the floor of my dressing room sobbing,” she said, adding, “I had to go on stage every night… I really thought it was like it was the end of the world. I couldn’t take it. I just couldn’t take it.”
The custody dispute was eventually resolved after the couple reached a settlement, with Rocco continuing to live with his father in London. Madonna also shared how the ordeal resurfaced deep wounds from her childhood. “I was abandoned as a child by my own mother and so losing a child, it was like life repeating itself. I couldn’t accept it and so it caused me a lot of suffering and not being able to accept things causes all of us a lot of suffering,” she said.
She went on to add, “But thank God I don’t feel that way anymore. And I had to keep continuing my studies and continuing on my spiritual path which helped me to understand that the enemy is within.”
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Madonna also expressed that her relationship with Rocco has since improved, and the two now share a close bond. “At the end of the day, I needed to learn some lessons and I can see that with the benefit of hindsight, but I couldn’t see it at the time. Now I am happy to say I am really good friends with my son but I couldn’t see it then. I really thought it was the end of the world.”
